February 23, 2011

undisclosed desires.

I have hit a proverbial wall today - yesterday, I had finished and tidied the print with the little girl and all the blue I'd been working on, and posted it, but... I don't know. It felt wrong and it looked wrong though I couldn't name it.

Added to that, my printer keeps printing the thing out with blacker darks than I show... so I tinkered around and made the whites really white, which now washes out the whole scene. My dad loved it, but thinks the girl's white nightgown needs colour, like pink, but... I don't know. I didn't want an obvious pink like that in this one, I wanted it to be very blue and white and it is, but too much so. I might redraw it. I really don't want to. But I think to be completely happy, I'm going to have to redraw and repaint that sucker.

I hate how I do that. Get a niggling feeling, or so, like some small, annoying tic and then BAM! Congratulations mofo, you're gonna be completely restless (and unhappy) with this one, tiny thing that you cannot even name.


Plus, the printer issue is annoying. It's not bad, like, ugly or anything - it just seems to be a few select colours that come out darker than they are and... I don't like it. They're too strong, and I don't know how to set the printer to print exactly what I'm asking to. sdfjkhjsdhfkjshdfkjh. (< that's me "angry mindless typing", by the way)

To get my mind off it, and so I can come back too the blue/white pic refreshed, I'm working on another picture, a simpler one, and then I might do the bookclub Chocolat one that I was meant to before Feb ended (dskjfhsdkjfhjksdhfk <more angry mindless typing).

I don't know. I do not know. Sigh.

February 19, 2011

you know i'm no good.

This is how I feel right now. I have an ear-ache that could crumple a harden vet. I went to a doctor yesterday and he just poked it and then sent me on my way with thing of ear-drops (which smell like dried flowers and burn like all holy hell). I've been eating nurofen like it's going out of fashion - it hasn't helped much, so I switched over to my dad's "don't drive on this stuff" panadine (or something) painkillers and they are nice. They numb everything. Thank God for modern science and mold or whatever they made things things from.

So, mostly, I've been sleeping. I've had this ear infection badly for about... four days now and if I'm not sleeping I'm sitting on my bed holding the side of my head praying for a bolt of lightning to strike me dead or a tree to crash through or that zombie apocalypse to happen (that is, until I got ahold of Daddy's drugs).

I'm sort of hoping this will clear up (or at least be managable) by Monday - I've got to get into town and pay the phone bill. And then get the fornight's groceries. I'm also meant to be working on getting my learner's licence but... I have not. There's a practise test I sometimes look at online, but come crunchtime it's just so... gross. And confusing. Like the question about "Which way do you turn when you're at a four-way intersection and Car B is turning across from you and next to you Car C is turning left, but you're turning right but Car D is coming straight ahead" and it's like, ugh, you know what, when I'm on the road I'll just close my eyes and take my chances (which is my number one reason why I should not be given any sort of driving allowing piece of laminated paper ever).

All this hollering about my ear aside, I haven't painted much (it HURTS!), and I've only just picked up the paintbrush again today. Including the picture I'm working on now, I have about three ideas that I'd like to get up within the next week or so. A friend of mine bought a couple of prints on Tuesday, and mentioned she'd like to see a bit of variety - like, gothic-y things like vampires and goth fairies and whatnot and it's sort of kicked my imagination into overdrive. I'm not sure how I'd make Twilight-esqe vampires work with the whole "children" theme, but I do have a ~gothic-y~ idea that I've been wanting to work with for awhile... something Tim Burton-ish, but inspired by Percy Jackson, that's probably the best example I can give.

Maybe with a bit of Shakespeare too.

My Aunts have suggested a bit more in product variety - like greeting cards. And honestly, I would do it, I would, but I just don't know how to make them look and feel professional. Like, without that creased, gross "this was folded over by a complete newb" look. Plus I'm not sure what kind of paper - or cardboard - to use. Normal cardboard doesn't print the pictures prettily enough, plus is sort of flimsy, whereas the matte photo paper I use for my prints has the prettiness, and the sturdiness, but I just can't fold it nicely.

So, yeah. Not sure what to do. I've read about pre-cut card stock so we'll look into that.

Speaking of Etsy, I was featured in another Treasury - this one was all pink, my absolute favourite colour.

Isn't it pretty?

Ahh dear. My ear is caning again. :(

February 13, 2011

take me to the riot.

I've been painting (again) and not sleeping (again), which means I have dark bags under my eyes (again - but they're so frequent now I don't even notice).

I've had a good weekend. Yesterday, for example, I bought a couple of books - they were on ~special~, and one was the first in a series I promised myself I'd read this year, and the other the book that a movie I want to see was based on (seeing that movie may or may not be because of the lead actor. He is my Ideal Blond Man - the one all other Blond Men are measured against). Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief and I Am Number Four. I finished Percy yesterday - the book is sort of thick, but it's a light read, being written for children.

I couldn't resist it, though. My friend loves the series, and I love Greek Mythology, and, suprisingly, I find it a bit sad. There's a lot of death and infidelity, the kind of topics that are glossed over in book but leave a kind of... wait, what? impression afterwards. At least, for me - I'm the kind of reader that over thinks things, though. Riordan versed up nicely on his legends, though I don't believe it's truly Greek until someone unwittingly marries their mother. Still, I love Percy. He's delightfully jerk-y.

I haven't started I Am Number Four yet, though I did peek in it/flip to the end (that is a habit I have had all my life, and I refuse to apologize for it. How else will I know that I'm going to like the story if I don't know the ending?). I like how it's written - short, precise sentences. "I am walking. I see Jane. We say hello, and I think, her sweater is very red." it's like that, only better and more interesting.

So, apart from the new reading material, yesterday was also amazing because I made my first sales. :) My aunts, the sneaky things - they sent me lovely, encouraging little messages too, I just thought, I'm so grateful it was them first. They're loving, amazing people and overly generous, and I love them.

Where am I going with these drawings? I don't know. Starting the store is enough, really, after years of brushing off "you should do something with your art". It was one of my resolutions; you know, those things everyone makes and then never keeps. I don't think I've ever kept mine.

I just want to do more this year. Which is why I'm signing up for netball tomorrow afternoon. At least, I hope I will be - if I can find the court, hahaha. Shedding one or two or five of these spare tyres I have around my waist would be nice - especially since I have two very pretty, very lovely dresses that I would really like to fit into one day. You know, before the world ends in 2012, due to the zombie apocalypse.

What else, what else? I don't think I'm good with shopping online - I'm such an implusive buyer. And on etsy, there's so many pretty things that I see and think, Oh Lordy, give me the strength not to click checkout. It's things like rosaries, brooches of rabbits with wings, lockets with moonstones in the middle, trinket boxes, paper roses. I just need to stay. away. Besides, at the end of the day, the things I do need - my Australian Citizenship, Netball fees, Copic Markers, a bookcase (oh please, I need that 135x135 ikea bookcase, it would fit PERFECTLY in my room) - I need to save up for.

Plus, I keep a wishlist of all the items I'm certain I really, really want (and it's mainly books, books, books). I'd much rather subtract from it, instead of add.

Materialistic shamelessness over, and back to the art. I printed out the pictures bought yesterday, and cut and tidied them all today.

They're printed on matte paper, so that shinniness you see are the bags I bought for them. :) I'm sending them out tomorrow to their new home, so I thought I'd take the picture for pros-ter-it-y. I can't spell that word, but you know. The one that means "growth" and "good fortune" and so on.

The pictures really do come out in milky colours, like the name. I think I may have to mention that in the listings.

I'm working on another painting, one that I'll probably list in the store. This one is dear to my heart because while all my tiny people have stories and names, I have been living with this girl under my skin for a good half year. One day, when I grow up, I'm going to do something real with her - make a comic, write a book, I don't know. Her world is a collaborative effort with my best friends, so, we'll see.

This is her, though, unfinished. She's been aged down for the picture and the White Meadow theme - here she's still a baby, though when the adventure really starts, she's eighteen.

A print from the store was featured in another treasury - this one was scrumptous.

The Secret Garden - Vintage Victorian Themed Gifts, created by mdcreated. I love collections like these; it's so hard to visualize how a piece might look, and things like this just sort of give me a feel for how that stack of books or that locket might end up looking here at home, if I ever bought them.

I should probably sleep. I've been carefully hunching over my sketchbook, though - I know this drive will stay with me until I get somewhere decent. It always does.

February 10, 2011

purple rain.

This is probably old hat to other Etsy users, but I was featured in my first Treasury today, by JoolsToDroolOver. It was for Internation Team members (which I joined this morning), and had a lovely sort of lilac/mauve theme going.

Unfortunately, I couldn't screencap the entire thing, so there's two rows missing. :( But I really like that headband next to Goodnight - it's the sort of thing that'd look good in my hair, lmao, egotisical I know, but I need to pay the bills tomorrow so no spending, ick. (edit from the future, 15/2; I was linked to a handy widget-making tool that can show the entire treasury, by JDWolfePottery. She's lovely. :) )

I felt inspired today to make a playlist for the theme/feel of White Meadow, but it's sort of hard to pin down songs that I think fit perfectly. That or I just have horrible taste, lmao. Ah dear.

For dinner I ended up "cooking" pizza, fresh from Pizzahut. ;) Theeeen... I sat and watched the new StarTrek movie, all the while constantly asking dad, "Where's Picard, I thought the captain was Picard, What's Jim's last name, Where's the Scottish Guy, Why's Spork or Spoke or Whatever his name is captain, Why is Jim such a jerk," etc, etc.

My dad didn't have a clue,  lmao.

February 08, 2011

sweet child o' mine

I just started an etsy. I'm nervous. And excited, all shook up like glitter and christmas, but mainly, I'm nervous. I know life doesn't go smoothly, but I'd like to see this at least not ruin anyone's day, if that makes sense (i.e., handling other people's money, their expectations). I've been feeling a little down, lately, dragged down by the same-old-same-old. I think this sort of responsiblity is just what I needed. :)

Gah, I always wonder if my art is good enough for sale, or if I should go to art school to polish up, be better. Self-doubt is crippling. I'm trying not to let this be the be-all or end-all. Trying but not succeeding, I should say.

In other news, I was attacked - or would be attacked - by a dog today. The damn thing was loose, sniffing around alongside the road. I was worrying about it following me, getting hit by a car - then it looked up and saw me, and then started that awful, angry-dog barking, and came barrelling towards me. I hate dogs, I think they can smell it, and I started backing up with this one but I was, honestly, terrified shitless. The saving grace of the day was a lady in a silver mini-van that came up the hill honking her horn and running into the curb in front of me, scaring the thing off. I must've looked so scared, how embarrassing, haha. :P

She was nice, though. She pulled up along side me and asked where I was going - I was heading past the house, down to the main street of the town. She suggested I cross the road, which I did while she waited. It was lovely of her, especially since my sleepy-slow existence had been shaken up by that.

Some people from the tyre place saw it, though; a girl came over to ask if I'd been bitten, then to tell me that the dog had been at a few other people before. I guess it was reassuring to know that there would've been witnesses - she said as much - still, I was getting pretty red by then and just wanted to continue into town and do my errands, sigh.

Dog trauma over, I ended up finishing things. Then tonight I made stromboli, with handmade pizza dough (my first time making it). It was a bit flour-y, a little too white, but I enjoyed it. My father didn't touch it - he loathes Italian food with a passion, swore off it for life after a solid few years of it, while he was away working.

This is the title piece in my store. :) Her name is Winnifred Belle. Her little fawn doesn't have a name, yet.

February 02, 2011

lonesome town.

I'm pretty lonely, today, and while it's not a new thing it's just settling into my bones a bit more than what I'd like it too. I feel like it is my fault for becoming this way (it is, hermitage is something you let happen through laziness and apathy), but, I don't know. I'd just like to connect again with someone else, but it's hard.

Agoraphobia and Generation X issues aside, all this lonesomeness has forced me to really get into my painting, to sort of create something for myself to do during the day (as opposed to lying there listlessly and watching tv/eating/napping/getting fattier and less intelligent, or more so, I can't decide). Right now I'm humming over a choice in fabric pattern for one of my little girls - she's blonde and fair and needs colours that suit but I'm just not sure. Something blue, maybe? White and blue, with flowers (because flowers are always nice).

I haven't decided on names yet for these two. Something cutesy, and old-world. Margaret, Maggie and... Ivy? Irene, Rennie. Maggie and Rennie. That could work.

February 01, 2011

get down with the sickness.

I'm 100% certain that I have come down with something. Again. It's like I'm a magnet for every gross germ in the region. Or maybe I make myself sick, I'm not sure, but this is what happens when you stay up all night watching movie channel reruns and Law&Order: SVU and Criminal Intent.

My New Years Resolution for this year is to start a blog and actually, you know, keep it. I haven't been consistent with a diary since I was thirteen/fourteen, and this makes me sad (and also makes me cringe in embarrassment for my younger self, because those entries are so. awful.).

I've been painting, and fretting, but mainly painting. I forgot what it was like just to run on paint fumes, being fussy with brush points and colours that won't meld.

Blah. I need another sweet-thingy for my throat.